Autumn

Grief. As the fall slips in and envelopes us in warm colors, warm soups, cool weather and cold rain, a different atmosphere and different moods curl in. We hunker down, pile on the blankets, cozy up to the fireplace. Some would say, fall is the time when the veil is thin between the seen and the unseen. A time when some slip away from this life. A time when we, still here, are in touch with our own ghosts.  A time, perhaps, for grief and honor of who and what we have lost.

In Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy, we become aware of emotions in peoples bodies. BCST is one way to explore how your body is holding emotions and how it wants to integrate. We are also aware what a difference healthy connections make to the health expressed in our bodies. In the book Molecules of Emotion (Candace E. Pert), the author explains how science is identifying different peptides human cells release in association with different emotions we feel. We are literally streaming peptides/emotions in our bodies all the time. Grief is an emotion that is expressed in our bodies. We are all familiar with the archetypal picture of crying and keening, doubled over, in grief.  But what of the lump in the throat, swallowed grief. What of the lost appetite, a stomach held tight, afraid to take sustenance? What of the legs, so cold, never warming up, pulling up under the body attempting to numb out? What of the lungs, deep and heavy.

We grieve many things. Losing a loved one. But what of loss before a time we had language to file it in our brains? Loss of a twin, grief etched in our bones, no one to notice or remember.  Loss of a relationship. Loss of a job. Loss of ideals, floating in uncertainty.

Feeling loss means we have the capacity of love.  So go ahead, take yourself off the hook, for having the audacity to be alive. To exist in a world that has changed beneath your very feet.  Hold the aching parts of your body in compassion and love. Let your loved ones go in love. Turn to the warmth and love of living. Let your skin feel warmed by the fire.

Here’s an ode to past and present.

When I look to the night sky and moon,  I feel the heart of my Grandmothers. I hear echos of my Grandfather in the kind voice of an older man. I know I am loved, I know who I am.

In my Lover’s eyes, I see myself reflected, I feel the bonds of our offspring. I look around, I feel the warmth of home, I feel my tribe of sisters, the comfort of friends. I know I am loved. I know who I am.